Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Biscuit review




At Sheffield station this morning, I had pressed upon me not one, but three, free samples of the much advertised Belvita 'breakfast biscuits', designed for people who don't have time to stuff a bit of toast in their mouth before leaving the house but prefer to cover themselves in crumbs on the train instead. Unwrapping a 59p packet of two took me back to my childhood - they were like nothing so much as the 'Limmits' meal substitute biscuits on which my mother vainly tried to lose weight in the 1970s. A sweet, digestive-y type biscuit sandwiching a 'creamy live yogurt filling' (yeah, right. 'yogurt powder 3%') with oooh, added minerals and stuff so it sounds like proper food and not just a biscuit.

According to the packet 'Belvita Breakfast Yogurt Crunch are truly exciting'. I'll just repeat that. A digestive biscuit with a sugary filling containing powdered yogurt is TRULY EXCITING.

What are they thinking when they write this stuff? Do they think people will buy it in the hope of a thrill? Are their lives really so dull and bounded by biscuits that they actually believe it? Is it the result of hyperbole inflation? What is left, other than ironic English understatement, to describe things that really might arouse a flicker of interest in a jaded populace?

Or maybe it is the idea of being someone so busy and important that they are above eating breakfast like ordinary mortals, but must instead snack on a 1970s diet biscuit (which apparently can be part of a balanced breakfast when accompanied by a latte and a banana... Just eat the sodding banana!) because they are so modern and zetgeist-surfing.

Anyway, as I got given a freebie, I thought I would review the 'truly exciting' Brevita Breakfast Yogurt Crunch Biscuit.

It was horrible.

8 comments:

  1. Brilliant! But somehow I don't think Brevita will be quoting that review anywhere!

    Jim

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  2. Isn't all publicity meant to be good publicity? I'd not heard of these biscuits before - but even before your review I would have been unlikely to buy any.

    The name seems to be a combination of "brevity" and "vita", i.e. short life. Is it the biscuits themselves which will have a short life, or is it their intended consumers whose life is too short to eat a proper breakfast?

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  3. Forget the biscuits and stick to the beer in the Sheffield Tap instead!
    Cheers
    Victor Vectis
    NB Red Wharf

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  4. She does that as a matter of course.





    PB

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  5. Hello Sarah. On another subject - don't know how else to contact you. You couldn't get Chertsey through Stret Lock on the Chesterfield Canal - well CRT are doing major works on the lock, and there's an Open Day next Sunday, in the chamber, ask about what they are doing to solve Stret's problems, etc. As you're in the area, thought you might like to go. Details of the Open Day on our Richlow Updates blog www.richlowinfo.blogspot.co.uk Christine

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  6. Thanks Christine for thinking of me. I know about this through HNBC and might well go to the Open Day. Chertsey sadly wouldn't go through Morse lock either, although we have been to the head of navigation with Warrior.

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  7. It worked. More than can be said for many of my recent comments made from my Mac (this is from the laptop).

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